Let's talk about it podcast: How to talk to your daughter about puberty
Let's talk about it podcast: How to talk to your daughter about puberty
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Welcome to “Let's talk about it” podcast
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Laaha is an open, online platform
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where women and girls can get information about their health
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wellbeing, and safety
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Please remember: All content provided on the platform
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is based on scientific knowledge for educational purposes only.
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It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment.
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My name is Marian, and today, we'll discuss an important topic
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that many parents may find challenging
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how to talk to your daughter about puberty
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Puberty is a time when your child’s body and feelings start to change as they grow up.
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It is a time of big physical and emotional changes for girls
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that can start somewhere between the ages of 8-14
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It is a good idea to start speaking about puberty
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with your daughter as early as ages 8
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if you want your daughter to be aware of what changes she can expect
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and for her to know that you are a trusted source of information.
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If your daughter is already going through puberty
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and you haven’t spoken to her yet
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it is okay
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You are here now and there is still time.
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Speaking to your daughter about puberty
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can help her feel less alone and scared
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during what will be a great time of change for her
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Talking about puberty can be tricky
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You may feel nervous or feel unprepared
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You are not alone
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This is a common feeling mothers and female caregivers can have
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You will be talking about something that is not usually talked about
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body parts like the vagina and breasts and sex
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It may be that your mother or other women in your life
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never explained anything to you or talked about it
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In some places, it may not even be acceptable
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for women and girls to speak about these topics
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If this is your situation
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make sure you can speak with your daughter in a place
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that is private and safe for both of you
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We have got some tips to help you through the conversation
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Tip 1. Use real words
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It’s good for kids to know the right names and functions
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for all their body parts including their genitals
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If you use the real word like vulva or vagina
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instead of a code word like “private parts”
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or something else you’ll send the message
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that there’s nothing wrong, different or weird about these parts of their body
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If you haven’t been using words like “vulva” or “uterus”
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with your kid until now
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that’s okay!
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Now is a great time to start
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You can say
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“You know how we’ve been using the word __?”
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“Well, really, it’s called a vagina”
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“It’s important to use real words to talk about our bodies”
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“so that’s the word I’ll use from now on”
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Tip2. Have short talks over time
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Puberty is a complex topic to talk about
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It is related to a lot of other things for girls
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like sex, sexuality, pregnancy, and marriage
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You don’t need to and you shouldn’t talk about everything at one time
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Instead, think of having conversations about puberty
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with your daughter in small steps
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You can share a bit of information and see how she reacts
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If you notice she is asking questions
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it may signal she is ready for more information
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The pace of these talks will look different for everyone
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But it's important to create an environment
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where girls know they can ask questions
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without being shamed or silenced
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and that mothers answer them as it goes
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Having regular conversations also sends the message
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that these topics are important enough
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to keep bringing up and are a normal part of life
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Tip3. It’s okay not to know
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You don’t have to have all of the answers!
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If your daughter asks a question and you don’t know how to respond
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you can always say
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Hmm… good question
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I love that you’re asking me what’s on your mind
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and I want to give you a thoughtful answer
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so let me think about it and come back to you
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tomorrow/ next week/ etc
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Tip4. Respond without judgment
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Your daughter will have questions and some of them may be funny
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awkward or even shocking to you
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Your goal is to answer the questions as calmly as possible and without judgment
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Remember your daughter will be watching your reactions to her questions
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so it is important that she sees that you are okay with any question she asks
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Otherwise, she may shut down and think
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“Oh, I shouldn’t have asked that it’s embarrassing or shameful or wrong”
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Tip5. Acknowledge her feelings and provide comfort
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Puberty brings up a lot of feelings for our children
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especially for girls
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There can be feelings of loss
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Girls may be wondering
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“Am I no longer a child anymore? What else in my life will change?”
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In societies where girls entering puberty means
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that there will be significant social changes
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For example - the need to wear hijab or other body coverings
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limits to what they can do and where they can go
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being forced to drop out of school
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the possibility of getting marriage
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it will be very important to be clear about these changes
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and make space for your daughter to share her feelings and questions
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She may also feel fear
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This may be anything from
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“What if I get my period during school and everyone sees?”
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Or “What if this means I will have to get married and have sex?”
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She may feel shame
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Girls might be shamed by other kids
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or society for growing hair, breasts, and having their periods
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This can be especially true for girls who go through puberty at an earlier age
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She may feel frustration
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For example, “Blood will come out of my body?
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“Ohh, That feels so weird and uncomfortable”
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“it’s like my body is no longer in my control!”
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Or
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because entering puberty may mean that girls have greater restrictions
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on their movement and social interactions
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especially with boys, girls may feel frustrated about that
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She might also feel excitement
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For example, “I feel so grown up!”
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Some girls may be excited about these changes
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and what it means for them
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This may especially be the case in families and cultures
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where entering puberty is celebrated
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and perhaps affords girls more freedom and status
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It is okay to be excited for your daughter
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and communicate that to her
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but be sure to also make space for her to feel differently than you do
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and for her to share that with you
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She might feel all of these feelings at the same time
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Or different time and others
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and her feelings may evolve over time
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Be prepared for there to be a range of feelings at different points
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As a parent, it is important to try to spot feelings
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your daughter may have
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and acknowledge them
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For example you can share
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I wonder if you are feeling X about this
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That makes sense
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Or you could say
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This can be a lot to think about all at once
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It would make sense if you are feeling ___.
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Even if you guess the wrong feeling
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it invites your daughter to say how she is really feeling
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Even with all this information you might still be unsure what to say
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So, We were gonna offer some script to help you
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To introduce the conversation with your daughter you can say
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“I want to talk to you about something called puberty”
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“Have you heard that word or know what it means?”
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“It is totally fine if you haven’t or if you have”
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Pause and see what your child share
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No matter what they share you can say
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"Puberty is a normal, healthy part of growing up”
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It's a time when special chemicals in your body called 'hormones'
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start to change how your body looks and feels
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Some changes you will see, like growing taller and some changes you might not see
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but they are happening inside your body
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How you can explain emotional changes happening in puberty
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you can say
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“You may start to feel things more”
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“and sometimes they might feel confusing or overwhelming”
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“If you start to feel this way, it is okay and it is normal”
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“And I want you to know, you can always talk to me”
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Here’s how you can explain female anatomy changes that will happen
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you can say
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Let’s talk about what changes will happen in your body
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This way, it won’t be a surprise.
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If you haven’t already started using the correct terms for genital body parts
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you may want to add here
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I’m going to use real words here
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to describe body parts which may feel strange
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but I want to use real words because those body parts are just like other parts
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There is nothing to be ashamed about
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It might feel a little weird or awkward to talk about these things
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but I’m going to say it
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If you want to look away for more privacy, that’s okay
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Here how you can talk about body changes with your daughter
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you can say
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The first thing you might notice is that
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you start to sweat more and you may smell different
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The skin on your face might start to feel oily
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or you may start to notice red or white bumps on your skin
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When the time is right, we will talk about
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what to do with these changes
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You will also start to grow breasts
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Around your nipples, you’ll have something called breast buds
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which is the first stage
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When your breasts start to grow
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you can start wearing a bra under your shirts
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We can talk about that more when you’re ready
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You’ll get some light hair growing around your vagina
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maybe some hair under your armpits or on your legs
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You’ll also get taller
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These are all part of the early stages of puberty
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They are all normal and are signs that you are growing the way you should
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These changes may feel good or they may not feel good
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Either is okay
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Here is how you can talk about getting her first period with your daughter
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you can say
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All of the changes we talked about that will happen in your body
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will happen a few years before you get something called your period
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your period is when blood comes out of your vagina
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for a few days each month
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A period is part of what is called a menstrual cycle
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which is a process your body goes through
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to prepare for having a baby
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Getting your period doesn’t mean you will automatically make a baby
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or that you are ready to have a baby
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it just means your body now has the parts it needs
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to help make a baby when you’re older
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We can talk more about your period and what to do when it happens
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Right now, I just want you to know the basics of what it is
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and just a note for parents here
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there are other resources on Laaha
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to help you talk to your daughter in more detail about periods
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and how to manage them
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as well as to talk about sex and pregnancy
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Talking to your daughter about
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When puberty start could goes something like this
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Puberty starts at different times and goes at different speeds
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You might notice that your friends or schoolmates
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develop breasts earlier or faster than you
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or you might be the first of your friends to get your period
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It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you
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everyone goes through puberty at the time that’s right for their body
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Here is how you can keep the conversation open with your daughter
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you can say
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Okay, I’m going to stop here
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We talked about some important things
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and we will continue to have these talks
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As your body changes
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it’s normal to have lots of feelings and worries about things
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I’ll check in with you from time to time
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I’d always want you to come to me if you have feelings or worries or questions
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You can ask me questions whenever you want
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I’ll never be mad, I’ll never be shocked
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I’ll never think you have a bad question
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I love you very much.
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Try to think about the conversations you will have with your daughter
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as an opportunity to connect with her and deepen your relationship
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It may feel uncomfortable for both of you
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But, by doing it, you are showing her that you can sit with her in discomfort
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That you are a source of important information for her
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and that she can come to you when she has questions or concerns
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There are lots of other resources on LAAHA
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to help you build on this beginning conversation
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and add more specific information as you need to with your daughter
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You can find resources on periods
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talking about sex, talking about pregnancy
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and talking about early marriage
